(The miscreant)
(Typical sober Jets fan)
A New Jersey man was arrested on a DUI charge after telling police he “drank too much because the Jets suck,” authorities say.
Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more
An attorney for former WFAN host Craig Carton pleaded for a jury to clear the fallen sports talk star Tuesday, saying he should be ashamed for lying to investors but arguing “money is fungible.”
Carton’s trial has featured evidence he manipulated emails to defraud investors in his plan to sell Barbra Streisand and Metallica concert tickets on the secondary market. Prosecutors say Carton took over $4 million in investors’ money and used it to repay gambling debts and other expenses
A golf club in Pennsylvania has apologized for calling police on a group of black women after the co-owner and his father said they were playing too slowly and refused requests to leave the course.
Worst pizza ever meets worst team ever.
For the greyhounds running at Florida’s dozen racetracks, a trip to the winner’s circle also means a urine test. Per state regulations, the dog officially known as “WW’s Flicka” submitted her sample on the same day, April 27. The results came back positive for benzoylecgonine, a metabolite of cocaine.
But a hardcore narcotic swimming through the bloodstream of an innocent pup shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone paying attention. According to state records, Flicka had already tested positive five times for cocaine this year before the late April test — including a positive drug test just the previous week.
Flicka would turn out to be one of 12 greyhounds that tested positive for cocaine on 18 occasions over a four-month period in Florida this year.
Ben Simmons announced Tuesday that he’s healthy to play basketball in a video on Uninterrupted.
“I’m looking forward to getting back on the court. I’m looking forward to having a big season with the Sixers.”
ANDY:
EB:
Andy Murray has a story that will make the hair on your neck — and arms — stand up.
The tennis star revealed the craziest fan encounter he’s had to deal with recently, and it involves a maid breaking into his room and caressing his arm while he slept.
“She came in and sat on my bed and started stroking my arm at about seven in the morning when I was still sleeping,”
she also touched his fuzzy balls
Playing slow in Utah can truly be painful. A disturbed duffer allegedly stabbed another man on a Beehive State course Saturday after his requests to play through were rejected by the foursome in front of him.
N.H.L. Commissioner Gary Bettman continued to deny a link between concussions and the brain disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E. He blamed the news media for fanning fear of the long-term effects of head injuries and defended the N.H.L.’s “more measured approach” to the growing science of concussions.
Maybe we’ll come out wearing dresses tomorrow. Maybe that’s what everybody’s looking for.
-JG
Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts.
-SB
For the players, for us, and I hope also for the fans it was enormously exciting. I talked to a lot of people afterwards who said they have never experienced anything like that, so it was definitely a huge game to remember for all of us. Hooray!
There is risk in life. There is risk in sitting on the couch.
-RG
Phillies fans will find this book especially depressing.
There are many reasons why I hate college football. The 4-hour games drone on longer than Steve Lyons during the American League playoffs. The ever-expanding season threatens to creep into early July. Boise, Idaho, hosts a bowl game. And it's played on blue artificial turf.
-SR
Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.
-AB
He’s a hypocrite and a prickly narcissist whose occasional flashes of humanity tend to be self-serving.
-SR
Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.
-KR
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is a form of encephalopathy that is a progressive degenerative disease, which can currently only be definitively diagnosed postmortem, in individuals with a history of multiple concussions and other forms of head injury.
All literary men are Red Sox fans - to be a Yankee fan in a literate society is to endanger your life.
-JC
------------------------
LITERARY TYPES:
Alexander Joy Cartwright, Jr. is one of several people sometimes referred to as a "father of baseball".
Cartwright is thought to be the first person to draw a diagram of a diamond shaped baseball field, and the rules of the modern game are based on the Knickerbocker Rules developed by Cartwright and a committee from his club.
With the myth of Abner Doubleday inventing baseball debunked and 46 years after his death, Cartwright in 1938, was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in the executive category.
There is a legitimate sport known as chicken boxing.
-Senator Elbert Guillory
Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen.
-RM
If I ever find a pitcher who has heat, a good curve, and a slider, I might seriously consider marrying him, or at least proposing.
-SA
I think a lot of teams want to win the gold medal.
-MV
The new judging system is so technical,” said Elena Valova, world and Olympic pairs skating champion from Russia who coaches at Robert Morris University Island Sports Center. Valova and partner Oleg Vasiliev took gold at the 1984 Winter Olympics in Sarajevo.
“It's difficult for the audience to see mistakes,” Valova said.
New York is well adept in handling situations such as this.
-BE
Never make predictions, especially about the future.
-CS
Maybe that "Play Like a Jet" thing wasn't such a great idea.
Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney said Friday that he'd feel comfortable sending his family to the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.
“I believe the games will be safe,” he said in an appearance on NBC's "Today." “That doesn’t mean there’s a 100 percent guarantee anywhere in the world today. But this is, after all, a dangerous corner of the world.”
Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.
-JP
Ray Chapman was a baseball player, who played shortstop for the Cleveland Naps and the Cleveland Indians. Chapman was hit in the head by a pitch thrown by Yankees pitcher Carl Mays, and died 12 hours later. He remains the only MLB player to have died from an injury received at a major league baseball game.
Croquet is tough. People play for months because the rules are so bizarre. Those crazy English.
-JK
And speaking of strange syndromes, my dyslexia must be acting up: I thought this was a book about horse racing.
If you ever wondered how to get away with rape, or, what Nick Saban eats for lunch every day, then look no farther.
TYPICAL BEARS FAN:
We have all made some friendly wagers when our favorite sports team was going up against the favorites of a close friend, but one couple took things to the next level. A husband, who happens to be a Chicago Bears fan, made a bet with his wife, who is a Green Bay Packers, that would allow him to use a stun gun to shock her if the Packers were upset on Monday Night Football.
The Packers went down, the stun gun was brought out and the police showed up.
TYPICAL EAGLES FAN:
The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play 'Drop the Handkerchief.'
-JN
I started designing and making my first sports shoes in the laundry room of my parents home.
-AD
An apparent fight over when to quit watching football turned deadly Sunday when a Morgan County man fatally shot his teenage son, authorities say.
Morgan County Sheriff Robert Downey said the Carrenders had been out watching football games at a restaurant or bar when they started fighting over whether to return home. The son wanted to go home. The father did not.
The argument continued after the pair returned home, Downey said. “It appears the father retrieved a handgun and shot his son, it appears, six times.”
Downey said David Carrender is thought to have been drinking.
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys, or Chiefs, or Redskins, or Texans, or Titans, or Chargers, or Jets, or Buccaneers, or Browns, or Patriots, or Raiders, or 49ers, or Giants, or Saints, Packers, Vikings, Steelers, or any of the teams named after animals for that matter.
Eric Murdock, the former Rutgers men’s basketball assistant who blew the whistle on Mike Rice’s over-the-top practice behavior, said in an 11-minute, profanity-laced recording that the former coach treated his players “like slaves.”
Eddie, how would you like to be a big-league ballplayer? Eddie, you'll be the only midget in the history of the game. You'll be appearing before thousands of people. Your name will go into the record books for all time. You'll be famous, Eddie. You'll be immortal.
Bill Veeck
We live in an idiotic society. Frankly, if I knew any more profitable ways of taking advantage of the idiots, I would exploit them. This is no time for idealism.
Bobby Jones
---------------------------------------------
To my mind, the Masters was the worst redneck tournament in the country, run by people who openly discriminated against blacks. But somehow [the club] got away with it. All I wanted was a chance to play. Them motherfuckers kept me out.
Charlie Sifford
If you think about it, I've never held a job in my life. I went from being an NFL player to a coach to a broadcaster. I haven't worked a day in my life.
-JM
