American Squirm

THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES

can't wait for the soundtrack album

HEY DANIEL CRAIG! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ART LINKLETTER'S DAUGHTER'S DEMISE?

Anybody can leap off a building.

-DC

HEY LUDIVINE SAGNIER! HOW COME YOU SKIPPED OUT ON OUR FRIDAY THE 13TH MARATHON?

I really have problems with horror movies. I don't watch them. It's a feeling I don't want to have in cinema. I'm too reactive. It's too draining to watch that kind of movie.

-LS

HEY TOM! HAVE YOU ASKED BOBBY TRIPPE ABOUT THAT?

Tom Ford on why all men should be penetrated once: ‘I think it would help them understand women’

Tom Ford has offered a unique way for men to better comprehend women.

The designer and filmmaker told GQ he believed all men should be sexually penetrated at least once in their lifetime back in 2004 — and more than 10 years later, he stands by those comments even though he claims to have been drunk when he first made them.

“I think it would help them understand women,” he told GQ this week. “It’s such a vulnerable position to be in, and it’s such a passive position to be in. And there’s such an invasion, in a way, that even if it’s consensual, it’s just very personal.

squeal like a fashion designer

HEY FRITZ LANG! WHAT LUNATIC OBSESSIONS FLOAT YOUR BOAT?

I am profoundly fascinated by cruelty, fear, horror and death. My films show my preoccupation with violence, the pathology of violence.

-FL

PEDRO ALMODOVAR

Cinema can fill in the empty spaces of your life and your loneliness.

-PO

HEY TOM FELTON! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF DANIEL RADCLIFFE AND EMMA WATSON SUGGESTED A THREESOME?

I'll take my clothes off - whatever the job requires.

-TF

HEY TIN MAN! DID YOU LOSE ANYTHING IN NORWALK?

 

On Aug. 25, two emergency medics stopped for a break in the parking lot of a gas station in Norwalk, which is about 50 miles west of Cleveland, just after 7 p.m. They spotted an object in the grass near the edge of the pavement: It was a two-quart-size plastic bag with a zip-lock. Inside was a heart.

“We don’t usually find hearts in zip-lock bags,” Sergeant Fulton, 58, said. “I can’t remember ever having a call like this. It is very unusual.”

here

HEY LUTHER! HOW COME YOU STOPPED POSTING ON AMERICAN SQUIRM?

 

HEY! DIDN'T THEY MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT THAT?

A Chinese surgeon plans to perform the world's first full-body transplant

 

heads up

ALEXANDER CUTTER

Don't ever orgy with a pet monkey. The little fuckers bite.

-AC

KRIS KRINGLE

I have great respect for psychiatry—and great contempt for meddling amateurs who go around practicing it!

-KK

MIKE DAMONE

 

When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

-MD

STACY AND LINDA

 
When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?

-SH

A quart or so.

-LB

BRAD HAMILTON

Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!

-BH

JEFF SPICOLI

  All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

-JS

MR HAND

 

Aloha. My name is Mr. Hand

-MH

MR. DELTOID

But I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself.

-PRD

DIM

Don't call me Dim no more either, Officer call me.

-D

THE TRAMP

It's a stinking world because there's no law and order anymore! It's a stinking world because it lets the young get on to the old, like you done. Oh, it's no world for an old man any longer. What sort of a world is it at all? Men on the moon, and men spinning around the earth, and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order no more.

-T

FRANK ALEXANDER

Try the wine!

-FA

CHIEF GUARD BARNES

Violence makes violence.

-B

BILLY BOY

 

Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!

 

-A

THE CHAPLAIN

Goodness is something to be chosen. When a man cannot choose he ceases to be a man.

 

-C

ALEX

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

 

-A

PHILIP MARLOWE

I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings.

-PM

VERBAL KINT

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

-VK

GEORGE HANSON

You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can't understand what's gone wrong with it.

-GH

RIGBY REARDON

All dames are alike. They reach down your throat and so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on it with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and they cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and they serve it to you and they expect you to say, 'Thanks, honey, it's delicious'."

-RR

NAVIN JOHNSON

 

I am NOT a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends, and... uh... my thermos.

-NJ

MR. APPLEGATE

Wives! They cause me more trouble than the Methodist church.

-A

MICK DUNDEE

Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yeah, New York must be the friendliest place on earth.

-MD

ROBIN HOOD

I’ll organize revolt, exact a death for a death, and I’ll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand up free men and strike a blow for Richard and England.

-RH

HENRY GONDORFF

There's no point in being a grifter if it's the same as being a citizen.

-HG

RAY HARRYHAUSEN

 

I brought in the stories many times. I don't just do animation.

-RH 

ZOE SALDANA

Basically, there's not enough sex in movies, that's it. I'm trying to say it, people. I miss sex in movies because sex is natural, guns are not.

-ZS 

LIONEL BARRYMORE

This is the age of insincerity. The movies had the misfortune to come along in the twentieth century, and because they appeal to the masses there can be no sincerity in them.

-LB 

BARRY LEVINSON

 

You have a movie and it proves itself and then certain things happen.

-BL

QUENTIN TARANTINO

When people ask me if I went to film school I tell them, 'no, I went to films.'

-QT

ALCE BALDWIN - ON BEING WELL LOVED

There are people who would rather choke than go see my movies. They write me letters all the time.

-AB

KIRK ALYN

Kirk Alyn was an American actor, best known for being the first actor to play the DC Comics character Superman on screen in the 1948 film serial Superman, and its 1950 sequel Atom Man vs. Superman.

REBECCA DE MORNAY - FILM HISTORIAN

I've made some great movies. 'Risky Business' still stands up. It's timeless. They study that film in film school.

-RDM

DAVID DENBY

In movies, the death of a single person is still a traedy; the death of the human race is entertainment.

-DD

ROB GORDON

I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.

-RG

ROBOCOP

Come quietly or there will be... trouble.

-R

LONE WATIE

We thought about it for a long time, "Endeavor to persevere." And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.

-LW

CHRISTIAN PASTOR IS 'VERY STUPID HORSE'S ASS,' SAYS AMERICAN SQUIRM

Disney's Frozen is 'very evil' gay propaganda, says Christian pastor

Disney's hit movie Frozen encourages homosexuality and bestiality. Or at least, that’s what one Christian pastor thinks.

Pastor Kevin Swanson of the Reformation Church, who hosts a Christian radio show in Colorado and insists he is not a "tinfoil hat conspiratorialist", described the animated film as "very evil" and denounced Disney as "one of the most pro-homosexual organisations in the country".

WES ANDERSON

I've never had a movie that got great reviews. I've had movies that got different levels of good and bad reviews, but you can more or less count on plenty of bad reviews.

-WA

STEPHEN BREYER

If I’m applying the First Amendment, I have to apply it to a world where there’s an internet, and there’s Facebook. And there are movies like The Social Network, which I couldn’t even understand.

-SB

ARTHUR

I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss.

-AB