American Squirm

HEY ORSON! HOW ABOUT THAT JOHN GIELGUD?

Gielgud used to play Shakespeare as if her were dictating it to his secretary. I told him that myself.

-OW

HEY ORSON WELLES! HOW ABOUT THAT INGRID BERGMAN? SHE'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

She's not an actress. Barely able to get through a scene.

-OW

HEY ORSON WELLES! HOW ABOUT THAT GEORGE RAFT?

What's interesting is that George Raft knew he was the world's worst actor. He told me that all the time.

-OW

HEY ORSON! HOW ABOUT THAT HUMPHREY BOGART?

Bogart was a second-rate actor. Really a second-rate actor. He was a fascinating personality who captured the imagination of the world, but he never gave a good performance in his life.

-OW

HEY ORSON! WHAT BOTHERS YOU ABOUT MARLON BRANDO?

 

It's that neck. Which is like a huge sausage, a shoe made of flesh. 

 

-OW

 

It's that neck. Which is like a huge sausage, a shoe made of flesh. 

 

-OW

It's that neck. Which is like a huge sausage, a shoe made of flesh. 

 

-OW

HEY ORSON? HOW'S THE DIVERSITY TRAINING GOING?

 

I think people are different. Sardinians, for example, have stubby little fingers. Bosnians have short necks.

 

-OW

I think people are different. Sardinians, for example, have stubby little fingers. Bosnians have short necks.

 

-OW

HEY ORSON! HOW ABOUT THAT SPENCER TRACY? A CHARMING GUY, WAS HE?

No, no charm. To me, he was just a hateful, hateful man. Tracy hated me, but he hated everybody.

-OW

here

HEY ORSON WELLES! HOW ABOUT THAT WOLFGANG PUCK?

I don’t like Wolfgang. He’s a little shit. I think he’s a terrible little man.

-OW

here