American Squirm

GORLIN SIGN

Gorlin sign is the ability to touch the tip of the nose with the tongue.

MICHAEL SOLOMON, FASHION PSYCHOLOGIST AND MARKETING PROFESSOR, HAS A REMARKABLE INSIGHT

Children aren’t children anymore — they’re family branding elements. Childhood has become a job, and wearing matching clothes and posing for pictures is the latest requirement.

-MS

I'd laugh too, if I could make a career out of spouting nonsense like this

SMOOTH OPERATORS

Two former followers who went on to work for Tony Robbins provided BuzzFeed News with signed statements swearing under oath that they felt he had sexually harassed them by repeatedly pursuing them after they made clear they weren’t interested. Two more women who worked as his assistants said Robbins expected them to work alone with him when he was naked in his hotel room or in the shower.

NEW YORK (AP) — A former personal assistant for Harvey Weinstein says she was forced to clean up messes from his sexual encounters and take dictation from him while he was naked, according to a federal lawsuit filed Thursday.

Eight women have told The Washington Post that longtime television host Charlie Rose made unwanted sexual advances toward them, including lewd phone calls, walking around naked in their presence, or groping their breasts, buttocks or genital areas.

Kyle Godfrey-Ryan, one of Rose’s assistants in the mid-2000s, recalled at least a dozen instances where Rose walked nude in front of her while she worked in one of his New York City homes. 

YEAH, I SAW THAT MOVIE

Oklahoma man, 70, who was found driving through Arizona with his wife's dead body strapped into the passenger seat tells police she died at a Texas hotel but he decided to continue on their road trip with her.

the same thing happened to me, but in reverse

 

DISGUSTING NEWS FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES: I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE SHOWERED THIS MORNING

You’re Covered in Fungi.  How Does That Affect Your Health?

There are trillions of bacteria in the digestive tract, and as many as 100 different species. Fungi number in the hundreds of thousands, with just a handful of different species. For years, fungi were given scientific short shrift.

That's the Bleeding Tooth Fungus pictured - in case you were wondering

 

GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

Kim Pays a Second Surprise Visit to China, Heightening Diplomatic Drama

Ivana Trump makes surprise appearance on Italy's 'Dancing with the Stars' in see-through red dress

Bruce Springsteen Makes Surprise Appearance at New Jersey Hall of Fame Ceremony

Stormy Daniels Made a Surprise Appearance on 'SNL'

 

THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES

can't wait for the soundtrack album

HEY ZOOEY DESCHANEL! WHY DO YOU PREFER AMERICAN SQUIRM TO THOSE OTHER HUMOR SITES?

Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.

-ZD

HEY SAM KRISS! WHO IN BLAZES SHOULD I VOTE FOR?

Hillary Clinton is, as her supporters like to put it, imperfect – a mass murderer, a wrecker of nations and peoples, the political expression of biophagous finance, a ruthless cynic who will fling millions into whatever ravine presents itself to get what she wants, which is power. Donald Trump doesn’t want power; he’s far more dangerous than that. He wants attention. How can you really measure her long list of abuses against the sheer potential for disaster coiled in his stupid, stocky body? Measure so many thousands of dead Libyans, so many tens of thousands of dead Syrians, so many hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis against the peril of a waddling baby in charge of the world? Still it’s not impossible, we can quantify anything. Say two million excess deaths under President Clinton – from financial predation, from disease, from war – and ten million excess deaths under President Trump – all those plus racist violence, malfeasance, and incompetence – and there’s your moral case for voting for Clinton.

-SK

there's an election?

HEY LUTHER! HOW COME YOU STOPPED POSTING ON AMERICAN SQUIRM?

 

ORDER NOW - AVOID THE HOLIDAY RUSH

Lab-grown penises are on the horizon, scientists say

Men who need penile reconstruction could soon be given organs grown from their own cells in the lab, according to a team of scientists at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine.

The research is led by Anthony Atala, director of the institute. Atala is no newbie to the lab-grown organ scene: In 2011, he gave a popular TED talk on his experiments with 3D printed kidneys. And earlier this year, he and his team announced that they'd successfully implanted lab-grown vaginas in four patients.

here

AMERICAN SQUIRM SAYS CALIFORNIA TOWN MAYOR NEEDS TO 'GROW A BRAIN'

California town mayor says bullying victims need to ‘grow a pair’

The best way to combat bullying? The mayor of a small California town apparently thinks the answer is to become one himself.

Cameron Hamilton, the mayor of Porterville, Calif. reportedly told a City Council meeting that bullying victims need only to “grow a pair” to help themselves.

bully news

CHRISTIAN PASTOR IS 'VERY STUPID HORSE'S ASS,' SAYS AMERICAN SQUIRM

Disney's Frozen is 'very evil' gay propaganda, says Christian pastor

Disney's hit movie Frozen encourages homosexuality and bestiality. Or at least, that’s what one Christian pastor thinks.

Pastor Kevin Swanson of the Reformation Church, who hosts a Christian radio show in Colorado and insists he is not a "tinfoil hat conspiratorialist", described the animated film as "very evil" and denounced Disney as "one of the most pro-homosexual organisations in the country".

AMERICAN SQUIRM: ENTIRE NORTH CAROLINA GOP SENATE FIELD DUMBER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS

Entire North Carolina GOP Senate Field: Climate Change Is Not Fact

Fittingly, all four Republican candidates in the North Carolina Senate race were asked on Earth Day if they believed climate change is a proven fact. And all four candidates said "no."

tpm

AMERICAN SQUIRM: IT WOULD BE 'GREAT' IF THE RUTGERS ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT COULD GO A WEEK WITHOUT AN IDIOTIC PRONOUNCEMENT OR TAWDRY SCANDAL

Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Hermann: It would be 'great' if The Star-Ledger went out of business

“That’d be great [if the Star Ledger died]. I’m going to do all I can to not to give them a headline to keep them alive because I think I got them through the summer.”

PASTOR SWANSON INDOCTRINATING KIDS IN IDIOCY: AMERICAN SQUIRM

‘Frozen’ indoctrinating kids in homosexuality, bestiality: Pastor Kevin Swanson

Disney is subliminally trying to turn children gay through its hit animated movie "Frozen," an outspoken conservative pastor has claimed.

Kevin Swanson said the film, which has taken almost $400 million at the box office since its Nov. 2013 release, was created by the devil and is helping "foul up an entire social system."

AMERICAN SQUIRM: AND PEOPLE WHO RAKE IN BUCKETS OF MONEY MAKING TEDIOUS, PLOTLESS, POINTLESS, MOVIES SHOULD BE WARY OF CALLING FOR CRIMINALIZING THINGS ONE MAY FIND OFFENSIVE

Jennifer Lawrence: ‘It should be illegal to call somebody fat’

I just think it should be illegal to call somebody fat on TV. I mean, if we're regulating cigarettes and sex and cuss words, because of the effect they have on our younger generation, why aren't we regulating things like calling people fat?

AMERICAN SQUIRM: THE INCIDENCE OF REPUBLICANS EXHIBITING ANY INTELLIGENCE ALSO VERY LOW

Trent Franks: 'The Incidence Of Rape Resulting In Pregnancy Are Very Low'

During a House Judiciary hearing on his abortion bill Wednesday, Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.) said that he opposes an exemption for rape victims because "the incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low."

AMERICAN SQUIRM 'CAN'T TELL' IF DONALD RUMSFELD HAS ANY MARBLES LEFT

Donald Rumsfeld 'Can't Tell' if Obama Wants the Terrorists to Win

half assed bs here

AMERICAN SQUIRM: UNDOING OF AMERICA'S EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM BEGAN WITH IGNORANT SOUTHERN CRACKERS

Miss. Gov: Undoing Of America’s Educational System Began With Working Mothers

Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant (R) said Tuesday that an increasing number of working mothers are the root of America's educational troubles.

In a  Washington Post Live discussion with Delaware Gov. Jack Markell (D) and New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez (R) on early childhood literacy, moderator Mary Jordan asked the three participants how America's educational outcomes became "so mediocre." Bryant was the first to respond.

"I think both parents started working," Bryant said. "The mom got in the work place."

tpm

AMERICAN SQUIRM: INHOFE A SHAMELESS, CONSCIENCELESS PRICK

Inhofe: Oklahoma Disaster Relief Will Be Different Than ‘Slush Fund’ For Sandy

SLUSH FUND SHOTS:

AMERICAN SQUIRM: MARK SANFORD 'OVERSTEPPED APPALACHIAN TRAIL' - ALL THE WAY TO ARGENTINA

Mark Sanford: Obama Administration 'Overstepping Bounds'

One day after being sworn in to his new role in Congress, Rep. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.), waded right into one of the White House's largest problems.

Sanford appeared on Thursday's edition of CNN's "Piers Morgan Live," diving into Monday's revelation that the Justice Department secretly probed Associated Press journalists' phone records. The former governor chalked off the controversy as a product of misplaced presidential power.

huffed

AMERICA SQUIRM: MONSANTO CEO HUGH GRANT FUELED BY GREED, ARROGANCE, VILLAINOUS MEGLOMANIA, AND GM CORN

Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant: Our Critics Are Fueled By 'Elitism'

It's not controversial pesticide-resistent crops that fuel Monsanto's critics, according to the company's CEO; it's their own desire to keep poor people from cheap food.

Hugh Grant, CEO of Monsanto, told Bloomberg News in an interview that opponents of genetically-engineered crops, who can afford to choose what kind of food they buy, aren’t concerned with the needs of the rest of the world. And their opposition is preventing those in need from getting access to cheaper food.

“There is this strange kind of reverse elitism: If I’m going to do this, then everything else shouldn’t exist,” Grant told Bloomberg. “There is space in the supermarket shelf for all of us.”

daily howler

AMERICAN SQUIRM: STEVE KING IS WORSE THAN A SACK OF MICHELE BACHMANNS

Steve King: Senate Immigration Bill Is Worse Than Obamacare

 

Iowans are noted for their civility, intelligence, and common sense—which is why Steve King has been such a discordant congressional representative for the Hawkeye State.

Whether it’s claiming that Joe McCarthy was an “American hero,” being the sole congressman to refuse to recognize the role of slaves in building the U.S. Capitol, defending Joe Wilson and dog-fighting, doubled down on claims that State Department aide Huma Abedin is affiliated with the Muslim Brotherhood, voting against Katrina-relief funding, or—already!—speaking out against Hurricane Sandy-relief funding, Wilson is an affront to reason.

Four years ago, he also predicted that if President Obama were elected president, "then al Qaeda, the radical Islamists, and their supporters, will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11^th because they will declare victory in this War on Terror.”

beast

AMERICAN SQUIRM: JIM INHOFE HAS TAKEN ALL THE STUPID

Jim Inhofe: Federal Government Has 'Taken' All The Ammunition

Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) thinks the federal government will stop at nothing to abridge America's Second Amendment rights. The federal government is so opposed to firearms, in fact, that it has gone on an ammunition-buying spree so that there won't be any bullets left for law-abiding Americans, Inhofe charged Monday.

right

AMERICAN SQUIRM: I ALMOST BELIEVE SHE WASN'T COMPENSATED FOR SAYING THAT

Martha Stewart: I almost joined Match.com

Martha Stewart nearly added internet dating to her many hobbies.

In an interview with Matt Lauer for "Today," the 71-year-old business maven and domestic guru confessed that she almost joined Match.com, but didn't quite get through the process.

nydn

AMERICAN SQUIRM SUGGESTS GOP LAWMAKER IS A FIRST CLASS HORSE'S ASS

 GOP Lawmaker Suggests the Boston Marathon Bombing Was an Inside Job

This is Rep. Stella Tremblay. She is a Republican elected to New Hampshire's House of Representatives and she believes the government planned the bombing at the Boston Marathon last week that killed three people and injured more than 150 others.

Gawker

AMERICAN SQUIRM: TEXAS AG "MORE DUMBER" THAN A POST

Texas AG: Democrats "More Dangerous" Than North Korea

Greg Abbott, the Republican Attorney General of Texas, thinks that his state has bigger things to worry about than North Korea. Namely, President Obama.

“One thing that requires ongoing vigilance is the reality that the state of Texas is coming under a new 
assault, an assault far more dangerous than what the leader of North Korea threatened when he said he was going to add Austin, Texas, as one of the recipients of his nuclear weapons,” Abbott said. “The threat that we’re getting is the threat from the Obama administration and his political machine.”

salon

AMERICAN SQUIRM: AND WE INSIST THAT THE MOON IS MADE OF GREEN CHEESE. REALLY. IT IS.

McDonald's director of nutrition insists the fast food menu is healthy

  

The director of nutrition for McDonald's is insisting that the menu offered at the fast food chain is healthy. 

Speaking about the launch of the new McWrap, Dr Cindy Goody said healthy eating is a top priority at the franchise.

here 

AMERICAN SQUIRM: AND HE LOOKS LIKE THAT "BECAUSE HE'S NOT A PIG"

Limbaugh Lambastes RNC Report: GOP Lost "Because It’s Not Conservative"

Rush Limbaugh on Monday made it clear that he was unimpressed with the Republican National Committee's post-mortem on the 2012 election, arguing on his radio show that the GOP is "bamboozled" and "entirely lacking in confidence."

"They think they got landslided, and they didn't, but they're acting like they did, and they think they did," Limbaugh said.

tpm

AMERICAN SQUIRM: WE ACCEPT YOUR RESIGNATION

Jindal: Republicans Must Stop Being the "Stupid Party"

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal called on the Republican Party to "stop being the stupid party" on Thursday as GOP leaders promised fundamental changes to help stave off future losses.

more insights